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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Query Letter Critique: Please and Thank you, Love your faces!

QUERY LETTER FOR CRITIQUE. PLEASE, ALL FEEDBACK IS USEFUL! PLEASE DO NOT COPY OR STEAL. THANK YOU. LOVE YOUR FACES :)

I would appreciate any comments towards this query. I am trying to tighten it up as best as I can. I will be going through the comments and if you'd like me to comment on any reviews in exchange, I'd be happy to leave meaningful comments on any post that you'd like. Just leave links in the comments below right after critiques. If you'd like to email me about anything regarding this post you can find me at Shortskiee @ aol [dot] com

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Updated Version:

Dear [Insert Agent Name Here],

Most people would kill for an extra hour in their day, but for seventeen-year-old Aria Detore, one more becomes a fight for her life. She's new to the Midnight Hour—the nightly time halt when undead creatures plague the lands, hungry and armed with a killer bite. And to survive, Aria needs to learn how to become a zombie-slayer. Fast.

Stumbling upon a group of refugees that have been fighting during the Hour for years, Aria adamantly joins. They help Aria understand the chaotic world she's been thrown into, whether she likes it or not. They explain that she is branded with Potential, an untapped power of mysterious origin and the reason she can enter the Hour. In a world that was made of death and carnage, there is always a catch. Potential is killing her. It's killing them all.

As if that wasn’t enough, the Potential wielders have to worry about the Hour’s boundaries becoming substantially weaker as time passes and undead hordes will eventually break into reality. The end of the world is beginning. And Aria is faced with a choice: stand and fight or watch the world be devoured.

Told through a series of journal entries, REPAIRERS OF THE DECEPTIVE WORLD is a YA paranormal thriller novel with series potential complete at 100,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Courtney Ann